


Obscurity

by Eternusx229



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Distance, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternusx229/pseuds/Eternusx229
Summary: A silence draped over them like the same darkness they had shrouded themselves in and he willed himself to sleep. He knew very well what was the culprit to these instances and his mind began working like clockwork. How could he better adapt to these feelings of want and desire or at least tuck them to where they had originated from while keeping everything the same?





	Obscurity

He couldn't exactly explain the bout of emotions that overcame him as he sat there. Smile fake, laughter hollow and contemplating whether or not to drink himself all with the excuse of good company. But he knew that that wasn't the answer to anything, in fact it would only make it worse.

Eiji came next to him laughing jubilantly before he turned to him in a slightly more serious tone, “Fujiko, are you okay?” He hated the question and he didn't even want to answer it. To know that it wasn't working meant _he_ knew as well but he hardly gave him a glance perhaps already knowing.

He chuckled at what Inui had said and decided to answer the daunting question before him. “I'm fine Eiji. We should be happy shouldn't we?” He said the last part a bit louder and firmer to grab everyone's attention. “After all, one of us has stepped into the path to a happy life. Congratulations Tezuka,” he paused to raise his glass ignoring the pain that tugged at his heart and steeling his nerves to not drop the glass from the trembling that he tried to maintain. “To your new life as a married man.” He finished biting his tongue as everyone cheered and clinked their glasses together.

Tezuka smiled the only way Tezuka could and there was a glint in his eyes that the others hadn't caught of course. Fuji's smile dropped by a little at what it signified and didn't drink to the toast he had just made. Staring at the man that had captivated him since day one, had embraced him and professed his love to him over and over; Tezuka looked at his glass in thought before ultimately drinking. “Thank you Fuji. It means a lot.” His words sounded genuine but he heard a bite to them and Fuji nodded.

“Excuse me, I've had a tad too much.” Lies.

Fuji stood up. Too conflicted and really unsure of what was happening himself. His body moved on its own, walking in autopilot, he beelined into the bathroom locking the door behind him. He stood there bracing himself against it. No words could explain the confusion he had had that day he received that invitation over years of not speaking to said man. He couldn't even recall what had happened in the days that followed.

Eiji was the first to call him although he wished he hadn't because it had only confirmed that the nightmare that he was having was in fact not a nightmare at all. The worry was palpable in his usually happy go lucky friend and that only made the feelings more pronounced. He didn't remember how the conversation had maintained afloat but he remembered at some point he wasn't up for talking and being the child he was sometimes claimed to be, he hung up.

Tezuka had always been there for him. Not in ways others would expect but it was the strange yet admirable bond they had in middle school that had really impacted him. Much like everyone else, Fuji found Tezuka's determination and motivation to be one of the things that made him who he was. A force that was unstoppable yet so addicting that made you want to follow the same footsteps just to be there and at the time, Fuji had had that drive but as a friend who had understood the hardships. And although Tezuka was a man of little to almost no words, he was capable of understanding the signs that most would go unnoticed.

During their second year, the year they had shared together the most, their bond had increased further deepening into something he didn't want to let go of. From sleepovers to random outings that mostly he initiated, which he cherished; something about watching that stoic face cringe or change from its usual expression had made him giddy with excitement. It was then that he realized that Tezuka was more than just a friend in his eyes.

“What's wrong, Fuji?” The voice practically echoed in his ears one day after practice that it had snapped him back to reality. Looking up in a slight daze, Tezuka stepped closer concerned, “Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?”

Fuji had taken a step back and smiled his usual smile, “No there's nothing to worry about.” It was a close call and it was certainly alarming to think he had just been exposed in the way he usually was at home in public. Taking a quick look around, a few first years as well as third years remained in the club room and he made quick to change.

“It's me Fuji.” He understood what those words meant and he didn't want to hear them because he knew Tezuka had seen that side, albeit once or twice but it was enough for Tezuka to understand the slight changes. “What's wrong?” The concern washed over his baritone voice again.

Fuji finished buttoning his shirt before turning around to grab his bag. “Not here.” He almost laughed at how it sounded because he knew even he sounded cryptic but Tezuka nonetheless nodded. Taking that as a sign that maybe the conservation was over and through, they left continuing with their day without much disturbance.

Tezuka was kind in that aspect. He would respect others and was considerate even though he was deemed otherwise. He was what Fuji sometimes liked to entertain as a gentle giant but even sometimes for him it was much of a stretch. The things that would go unsaid would stay as such until the ice broke and very rarely did Tezuka pry. That applied with him as well. But much like a few other nights, today Fuji had planned on staying over.

The Tezuka family was as welcoming and heartwarming as his own family. He joined in on random conversation and he even helped around the house from time to time often getting scolded regardless of the countless times he had been there before, but nevertheless it was home. He knew the in’s and outs of the house. Occasionally, Fuji would converse with Tezuka's grandfather and even play Shogi when he was feeling brave. Because of this the amount he showed to Tezuka was evermore prominent. Sometimes he thought it was careless of him because Tezuka hadn't done the same back and as much as he was careful around others he couldn't do the same around Tezuka. The ambience they shared had diminished, that sense of alert and danger overtaken by comfortability and warmth. He wanted to change it but even he knew it was too late.

Again caught up in the moment, staring at the ceiling that had become familiar to him, he felt those eyes staring at him and he tried his best not to sigh which had immediately resulted to Tezuka to shift and look away understanding that he didn't want to be pried.”I'm sorry.” Fuji whispered enough for it to reach Tezuka's ears from the futon he laid in to the bed.

He could hear rustling and the lights went out. A silence draped over them like the same darkness they had shrouded themselves in and he willed himself to sleep. He knew very well what was the culprit to these instances and his mind began working like clockwork. How could he better adapt to these feelings of want and desire or at least tuck them to where they had originated from while keeping everything the same? He couldn't seem to find the loophole he was looking for. “It's okay.” Something told Fuji that those words meant more than they were supposed to mean at that moment. Maybe it was due to the darkness that impeded his vision or maybe it was because of the way Tezuka's voice had seemed so close that he didn't pick up what it truly meant

And it was at that very moment when he felt lips touch his own in a most gentle fashion that it almost felt imaginary. His thoughts ran amok. So very much deepening the feeling of confusion he sat up almost bumping into something before he realized that Tezuka was sitting next to him. It was soft and quiet the way the words came out and he wanted to reach out to say he shouldn't apologize except his voice was stuck in his throat. “I'm sorry.” Fuji was thankful for the absence of light. He wasn't sure what kind of expression he was making but he knew he was bare for the world to see and the only thing he could hear was that pounding that resonated from within.

When he had gotten up the next day, Tezuka was in his own bed and he was in his respective area on the futon. Again he found himself staring at that godforsaken ceiling questioning reality and maybe even his sanity. What had happened last night?

The question had haunted him for days and for a change, Tezuka slept over his house. Tezuka was always more than welcomed and his mother was for the most part insistent that he'd stay as long as a whole weekend in which Tezuka declined as politely as he was.

Having brought out what Fuji called The Captain's Quarters, which was a futon no different from the one he used at Tezuka's, he placed it in his room. Fuji chuckled at the expression that followed with just one look at the futon. “It's not that bad.” Fuji smiled. His genuine smile, the one Tezuka had become used to now. He stared at Tezuka momentarily realizing there was something on his mind, “Tezuka?” The slight tilt to the head as his name slipped from his lips.

“I like this smile better.” The response had caught him off guard and maybe even knocked down the few barriers he had placed for precautionary reasons. Just as fast as he heard those words, he was brought back to what had happened if it had indeed happened.

Fuji chuckled, “Saa, they're all the same Tezuka.” His voice was firm. He wasn't going to fall prey to his own feelings and take himself down a path he didn't want to take. Tezuka took a step closer and shook his head. That closeness was enough to make him want to take a step back but as much as he wanted to, he enjoyed the proximity. Revelled in it. In an instant he felt the same sensation he had felt that night except he could confirm it this time. His eyes widened as he took in that masculinity that usually emanated from Tezuka during his matches, took in that same look he had except it was softer and compassionate yet fierce.

Tezuka pulled away, their noses just barely touching and that same rush of emotions came back a tenfold. “This,” He whispered. Tezuka's breath was sweet, brushed along his lips as he spoke, “I missed this.” Fuji probably had the same incredulous look he had that night that had been hidden by the darkness.

Standing in place frozen with what had occurred, he couldn't find the proper words. Tezuka's hand snaked into his holding it firmly before letting go. That night was the beginning of many endless sleepless nights.

Having gone through their second year with a more amplified understanding on where they stood, Fuji couldn't explain what it was that they had. Still, he knew they were too young to understand love but he knew it was powerful. The way his day would brighten with just his presence was proof of that and yet he wondered if Tezuka felt the same. He had to because the look that he would give him while on the courts and the few subtle words they exchanged certainly seemed like ordinary responses, but Fuji heard the change in his tone. It was a notch lower than usual and it made him all the more aware of the other boy. He enjoyed their time together as well as the gentle touches and kisses.

Remembering everything as if it had happened yesterday, remembering empty memories amongst the fog of what should have been a happy moment, Fuji buried his face in his hands unable to comprehend what had happened. He wasn't going to deny the fact that distance played a part to this and he wasn't going to deny that it was even rational of Tezuka yet… He just couldn't wrap his head around it.

He left the bathroom in what felt like a trance as he waltzed back to his chair, smiling… Just like always. “Are you okay Fuji-senpai?” Momo had asked and he cursed at himself for taking too long that it had been noticed by Momo of all people.

He chuckled and brushed his fingers along his forearm feigning tipsy, “I'm fine Momo.” Fuji could feel that gaze on him and he slowly pulled away turning to face him, smile still in place. It was true he was confused, lost and perhaps even weak but he wasn't going to admit it nor show it. That meant not even Tezuka could climb over the walls he had built. This time they'd stay there.

“Let's order another round!” Quickly as if the concern hadn't been there, Momo had yelled causing the others who had in fact been tipsy to agree. He laughed and continued on ignoring the stares from Tezuka.

Something had seemed off when they had called it a night and the others didn't notice it but he could. Tezuka was drunk. That soft glazed tint in his eyes covered by the same rimless glasses couldn't hide the look of someone who had had one too many. Fuji didn't know what caused Tezuka to get to that point as he was always careful. He came to the conclusion that Tezuka was as excited as they had been but that didn't make much sense to him but then again the Tezuka he knew was gone. “Congratulations again Tezuka. Give Mamiko my regards.” Oishi had said to Tezuka.

Fuji smiled extending his hand out to him. An unfamiliar gesture and probably the first time he had done so. Tezuka stared at him for while and Fuji figured he'd ought to be fast as Oishi was next him, waiting for them to walk their respective paths. As always, the mother hen had stayed of course, much the same in that respect. It proved useful and even was understandable given he was a prolific nurse taking a shot to become a doctor.

The hand finally clasped his and Fuji felt his heart shatter at the contact. It was like receiving unwanted closure and in many ways an end to what he believed in about Tezuka. He couldn't ever really forget the way he had kissed him nor touched him in the way he didn't think was possible between men. But regardless of what he felt, he smiled despite the pain and let go turning around to walk with Oishi and Eiji who was laughing loudly with Momo in the distance. With his back turned and Oishi ahead of him, he felt the tug to the shirt he wore and had he truly fallen victim to alcohol like he had planned to, he would have fallen.

Oishi turned at the sound of scattered footsteps, “Can I borrow him?” The way it came out and the way it was worded had raised an eyebrow or two that Oishi wasn't quite sure who had spoken to him that way. Clearly he had never witnessed Tezuka drunk. Fuji had, at least once on a rare visit just after high school. In fact it was the last time he would see him.

“... Sure.” Oishi reluctantly took a few steps away from them walking over to Eiji and Momo. Fuji turned around to finally face Tezuka after the way he had held him with his arm around his waist. Fuji could understand how it could be alarming to someone else yet to him it also came as a shock … but for different reasons.

“Tezuka,” He ignored whatever tug he felt and pushed Tezuka away. The scent of sake filled his senses and he felt a little sick just smelling it. There was a look in his eyes that he couldn't discern. The alcohol had muddled his train of thought but his vision hadn't succumbed to the bottle just yet. He knew that no matter how much Tezuka drank, his thoughts were still very much Tezuka like and that was why he wondered what had allowed him to be careless to the point where the thought of being foolish in public hadn't been enough to stop him to this extent. He forced himself to smile, “You're drunk.”

The look he received was as placid as any other expression from Tezuka except he saw past it and saw what appeared to be pain. Tezuka leaned forward, not close enough to touch but close enough to feel the breath against his skin, “Why won't you look at me?” The words held an unnecessary weight and he could almost hear a tinge of desperation. One he knew had to be his delusional mind pulling the strings.

Taking a step back for his own sake, he chuckled. His eyes peered up at Tezuka with a grin, “Satisfied?” He heard himself putting up that side of him he didn't ever expect he'd show Tezuka. It was ugly and he hadn't ever seen it, not that he knew of. Holding that gaze, Fuji could practically hear words being formed and at that moment he couldn't really stand there. Looking away he caught sight of the ring on Tezuka's hand. Suddenly he couldn't breathe but he calmed himself. “Take care of yourself, Tezuka.” He turned around to leave like earlier.

“Fuji.” It was a whisper that could have been the wind but it wasn't. The way his name slipped past those lips, the first of the night and most likely the last. Fuji caught the glimpse of similar plead in fierce lost eyes and glanced at the ring that sat comfortably on his finger. The clear answer and the loudest one. Tezuka followed his line of sight and he could see the pain behind them again. Tezuka clenched his hand as if to hide it and he didn't understand the action but except that Tezuka wasn't, regardless how careful he might have been, thinking straight. He chuckled bitterly. A sound that even sent a shiver down his own spine. An action he couldn't help but do and a bad one, he knew. “Syuusuke.” Tezuka's voice was clear and almost sharp if it weren't for the obvious. His given name falling from those lips again caused him to stop.

Tezuka took a step forward and Fuji wanted to take that step but he knew that he needed to leave. A hand landed on his wrist gripping it tightly before Fuji gave him an incredulous look. They stood that way for what seemed like just two minutes before Fuji looked away, clenching his hand around the fabric under his fingers. He understood now. What they had had meant the same to Tezuka as it had to him but the answer or the reason… He might never get to hear it because it was too late. Tezuka moved to look at him again and embraced him. Gentle and almost desperately, those arms held him. The whole world being interpreted into a single touch, a single action. He let him because he wanted it, he waited for a reason to have it just once more.

“I'm sorry.” Tezuka whispered against his ear. With his eyes closed he tried to ignore the pain that tugged at his heart with just the two words that held so much. Trying his best to smile and wish it was nothing but a bad dream.

He chuckled and pushed Tezuka away. He couldn't do it anymore. “Tezuka, you're a married man. You shouldn't be sorry.” Tezuka stared back at him understanding what Fuji was trying to do and he couldn't form the words that he needed. “I'm just happy for you.” The words hurt to say but it was needed because before they were anything, before they had touched and before that first kiss, they were friends. That was something he never wanted to lose. Whether or not his feelings were pushed aside, whether or not they had remained, whether or not they lingered, Tezuka needed him. This time as someone he could talk to and he wasn't going to take it for granted nor let it slip.

“Fuji…”

It was the same tone and it created the same impact. Tezuka said nothing more and looked back at Oishi and Eiji who were still talking with a very loud and drunk Momo. Fuji knew he was regretting. Maybe it was the sudden reunion that made him take that trip down memory lane but Fuji wasn't having it. It was his life to live and now he had someone to share it with. There was no rewind. “Tezuka, thank you for inviting me today.” There was more to his words and it took a second for Tezuka to hear them and he nodded before he ultimately and reluctantly decided to head home knowing, hoping that he would see him again.

Fuji smiled watching that broad back retreat once more and unclenched his hand. He didn't know how he could handle it but he had. He heard footsteps coming from behind him and he knew it was Eiji. “I'm sorry Fuji.”

Hearing those soft words coming from his loud and usually boisterous friend brought him back to reality and he held the hand that was slumped over his shoulder. Fuji shook his head, “Don't be. I'm not.” Eiji squeezed his hand and Fuji turned back around. “Do you think his wife will know he's drunk?” Fuji muttered in a serious tone but not at all thinking about it in the way it was meant to.

“Tezuka was drunk?!” Eiji yelled and Fuji began to laugh in what felt like the first time in a long time. “Fuji, are you okay?” He hadn't realized that he was crying and he wiped away his tears with a nod.


End file.
